Okay, bear with me. Like many, many people I’ve been feeling depressed and fearful over the daily horror show that is the president-elect – his strange, awful fascination with nukes, the blaring headlines with Russia! China! Obamacare! Muslim registry! And on and on.
Hopelessness.
Tossed into the mix is the piercing loneliness I feel every holiday season that my partner/best friend/love of my life is no longer walking this earth. Like the protective covering I’ve used for the past five years is shredded.
Sadness.
My writing is not going well, and I’ve missed deadlines.
Guilt.
Then this morning, I woke up thinking it was 4 or 5 a.m. On the TV (yes, I fall asleep with the TV on) was an old b&w movie I’d never seen. Normally, I’d turn over and fall back asleep but this one caught my attention. It was called Tenth Avenue Angel during the part when the pregnant and sick mother tried to soothe her daughter (who had just broken her cow bank) and said it wasn’t broken because cows kneel on Christmas when they feel the Christmas blessing.
The kid believed, for a second, then asked the mom if she’d ever seen a cow kneel and, props to mom here, she says no. Later, after more lies are revealed, kid runs off upset that everyone lies to her, mom falls down the stairs, yada yada yada.
At the end, though, I found myself crying with hope for this little girl and her Christmas blessing. So, on Christmas Eve morning I have hope that…somehow…. that our politicians will rein in (or impeach) the prez and work for the people they represent.
Yes, I still miss Steve but this Christmas I’m so much stronger than that first Christmas so I know I am healing and heading in the right direction. This tiny happiness is enough.
I’m going to work like hell and finish this story and further vow to protect my writing time like it’s the gold it is.
This right here is my Christmas blessing and I’m deeply grateful to be reminded of this by an old movie in the wee hours of the morning. The cow kneeled.
The oddest part of all this is that it was actually after 6 a.m. , a half hour after my alarm goes off (which it didn’t or I have absolutely no memory of turning it off). If I’d known what time it was I would have gotten up like usual and missed this perspective shift entirely.
Christmas blessings to everyone! May your cows kneel.
WRITE ON;